*calls suicide hotline* hello one suicide please

get a pet lizard and name it Harry and tell it your a lizard Harry

i like it when you empty the lint trap and it's pink so you know it was from a girl then you eat the lint

#MentionACuteCouple me and a cold indifferent universe

anyone interested in some sex tips that assume all women are into the same things?

@dogboner "i'm shy at first but... i do the stupidest random shit when i get comfortable with someone" -adolf hitler

please rt if you're a stupid idiot

#MySexFantasy a girl puts her head on my shoulder in the movie theatre

i like my women like i like my balls: a lot

the year is 3000. being gay is illegal again. at gay checkpoints cops will rub your d and if you get hard you get arrested

*pounds a shot of makers* bartender: "what's got you down?" me: "oh, just twitter stuff...."

dad.... I'm Literally Cum

#MyThoughtsDuringSex are female yoshis also named yoshi

bond is tied up and has to watch his follower count plummet as the villain tweets from his account

if you timeskip isabelle knows she might not say anything but she knows

dude, she went to art school? youre not good enough for her. you know what they teach you at art school? how to hate yourself and fuck

anyone who doesn't want to die has stockholm syndrome

YOCO = you're only cute online

men who feel threatened by feminism lol chill out dude

rt if you love to pee