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*calls suicide hotline* hello one suicide please
get a pet lizard and name it Harry and tell it your a lizard Harry
i like it when you empty the lint trap and it's pink so you know it was from a girl then you eat the lint
#MentionACuteCouple me and a cold indifferent universe
anyone interested in some sex tips that assume all women are into the same things?
please rt if you're a stupid idiot
#MySexFantasy a girl puts her head on my shoulder in the movie theatre
the guy on tv was like "the system is broken and we need nationwide change" and i was like Right On but turns out it was sports center
i like my women like i like my balls: a lot
in film school they just teach you to say “film” instead of “movie” and then you graduate
the year is 3000. being gay is illegal again. at gay checkpoints cops will rub your d and if you get hard you get arrested
*pounds a shot of makers* bartender: "what's got you down?" me: "oh, just twitter stuff...."
dad.... I'm Literally Cum
dude, she went to art school? youre not good enough for her. you know what they teach you at art school? how to hate yourself and fuck
bond is tied up and has to watch his follower count plummet as the villain tweets from his account
banned from neopets - trigger warning: uses retarded as a pejorative – RTs OK – he/him