There is a fine line between confidence, and arrogance. I walk that line when I'm drunk, swaying from side to side.

I make breakfast for my 1 night stands. In hopes they tell there slut friends about me.

Twitter has brought back excitement in my life, as well as alcoholism, drug addiction and porn. Big thanx to everyone!

It's pretty sad when I have more imaginary friends then my son.

My walks on the beach usually end with me passing out on the beach.

If I had a super power, it would be to have my enemies and ex's stuck in the process of almost vomitting.

The gravitational pull of this beer to my lips is immense.

U can call me teddy bear but know im a fucking grizzly once ur clothes come off.

When someone corrects my typo through a subtweet, I want to correct their facial features.

I may be going to hell but im sure their r plenty of prostitutes n strippers going their to. Ur move heaven.

I would say 1 more follower n ill post a pic of my Dick, but I would just end up with 50 less. It would be pointless.

'Im not that kind of girl' is code for 'i am def that kind of girl'

I'm just an avg guy who wants to fuck at a higher than avg rate.

Holding a sign on the street. 'Will eat pussy for sex'. Many horns, not many stops.

If I could come back as anything after I die, it would be a vibrator. Those things get so much pussy.

If its better to "loved, then to never loved at all" isn't it also better to have "tried anal, then to never tried it before".

I don't crush I just RT a lot! - Me being gangsta

My tweets really suck when im sober. That or I just think im funnier when im intoxicated.

If I star your tweets is me saying 'I see u, and will raise u a RT'. If I RT u its me saying 'I fold, well played'.

A good date ends with vagina on my mouth. A bad date ends with a kiss.