Hey ladies, I voted against the Violence Against Women Act. Who loves ya, baby? #RubioValentines

@chrissyteigen Hi. I also made you a picture. Took me like 15 seconds. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. pic.twitter.com/arBKOCHMQi

@sonicdork "The streets are dark and the air is cold/my bike is parked and I'm on my way to White Castle." - Bruce, first draft

If you don't #FF @kristencheeks and @sonicdork, then the Yellowstone Super Volcano has already won.

@sonicdork It's hard to respond because I'm in the middle of the Radio GaGa arm thing and I keep dropping my phone.

@a_girl_irl And then there's the ad below the byline... pic.twitter.com/cdc2GcKxSs

@sonicdork Mystery solved: Shelley Long is Anonymous. I had no idea she was such a computer wiz! pic.twitter.com/RJnfb3zz

Holy shit, @sonicdork. @chuckwoolery just blocked me too!

Hahahahahahaha! No. RT @josecanseco: Is jose canseco worthy of the hall of fame even after juicing?

@stevehuff Child Pageant Contestant Hoarders Go To Rehab #NewTLCRealityShows

Get a job, dude. RT @josecanseco: dont u hate when u buy a damn lemon car and it breaks down constantly at the worst times

I hope that Aaron Sorkin makes the female characters on "Newsroom" even more annoying, manic, and shrill next season.

Mr. Bates has another bad day. #DowntonAbbeyPredictions

@sonicdork "Afternoon Delight" by Grammy™ winners Starland Vocal Band #WorstAtBatMusic

If @sonicdork isn't wearing a tuxedo t-shirt while he live-tweets the Oscars, then the terrorists have won.

#FF @sonicdork. He's like @mark_wahlberg, but less douchey and self-aggrandizing. He definitely has a superfluous third nipple, though.

@sonicdork Man congratulates Matthew Perry for his show getting canceled.  http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fWyeNxo-iKw&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Ffeature%3Dplayer_embedded%26v%3DfWyeNxo-iKw …

White smoke = pope
Black smoke = no pope
Smoke on the water = The Montreux Casino is on fire.  http://youtu.be/7mCK05dgwgU 

For some reason, I recorded a movie called "An Amish Murder" starring Neve Campbell. Apologies in advance for what's about to happen.

@sonicdork NATION SHIELD!!!