Dear Math,

I am not your therapist. Solve your own problems.

The sooner men stop looking for that one sane woman in the world, the better off you'll be. We're all crazy. Pick the crazy you can handle.

If you don't think American Psycho is the funniest movie of all time, we can't kill hookers together.

If you ever hear me say that I just smoked a fatty, I'm not talking about drugs.

I just shot your mom.

I checked into a hotel & asked the receptionist if the porn was disabled. She replied, "No, it's regular porn you sick bitch"

If you feel like someone is playing mind games with you, they totally are and you should kill them before they kill you.

You could probably fuck the crazy right out of me, but it would take a really, really, really, really really long time.

I'm entering my vagina into a Mickey Rourke lookalike contest.

If this giant squirrel ever shuts the fuck up, I'll let you guys know how my home made absinthe turned out.

Me so ornery. Me hate you long time.

You say, "I think we should see other people" like I haven't been doing so for months.

I like my Men how I like my Zombies; Chasing after me, just to eat me.

Crazy weather! One day you're sucking on popsicles, the next, the barrel of a shotgun.

If you really love me, you'll murder every woman who has ever spoken to you.

It's cool. I'll wait here.

I hate getting high outside. I always see weird shit. Like humans.

You say, "It's not you, it's me" like I'm not already painfully aware of that fact.

I find the safest place to hide my pills is in my stomach.

I watch porn solely to find out if I'm in any of them. You never know what an angry ex will do.

Ever been sodomized with a double barrel shotgun? No? Good. I want this to be special for both of us.

I like my men how I like my belts; choking me.