if you don't like the word "cunt," you probably are one.

why do some people have a uterus AND a mustache?

i fucking love french bread.


and not wearing a bra

hey skinny girls, cookies and milk at midnight are fucking DELICIOUS.

my answer to most questions: “because people are fucking stupid”

Knowledge. I like that shit.

when twitter starts to annoy me, i skip on over to facebook and remind myself what it REALLY feels like to want to kill people.

here i sit, hoping im added to a list called “want to pee in her butt.”

for all those who wish they could unfuck some people, say “aye.”



AYE.

RTing hot girls won’t make them like you. believe me, I’ve tried.

i think i know how to handle this. “vagina.”

that bruise really brings out the color of your eyes

i never feel so misunderstood as after i read a tweet i find hilarious aloud to the people with whom i keep company. they dont understand me

best quagmire quote: “want me to drag my sack across your face?”

im playing volleyball later. can i borrow your mom’s kneepads?

when life sucks i just enjoy the head

if you're a sensitive little bitch, carry your ass back to facebook with the quickness. #kickrocks

fuck stress, have sex.

my ex boyfriend is going to jail again. is it my birthday???

“just find the one you feel the most comfortable on. try them all out.” Olympic commentator on what i assume is dicks