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hey skinny girls, cookies and milk at midnight are fucking DELICIOUS.
why do some people have a uterus AND a mustache?
i fucking love french bread.
and not wearing a bra
Knowledge. I like that shit.
RTing hot girls won’t make them like you. believe me, I’ve tried.
my answer to most questions: “because people are fucking stupid”
when twitter starts to annoy me, i skip on over to facebook and remind myself what it REALLY feels like to want to kill people.
here i sit, hoping im added to a list called “want to pee in her butt.”
for all those who wish they could unfuck some people, say “aye.”
im playing volleyball later. can i borrow your mom’s kneepads?
i never feel so misunderstood as after i read a tweet i find hilarious aloud to the people with whom i keep company. they dont understand me
that bruise really brings out the color of your eyes
i think i know how to handle this. “vagina.”
my ex boyfriend is going to jail again. is it my birthday???
best quagmire quote: “want me to drag my sack across your face?”
when life sucks i just enjoy the head
fuck stress, have sex.
if you're a sensitive little bitch, carry your ass back to facebook with the quickness. #kickrocks
“just find the one you feel the most comfortable on. try them all out.” Olympic commentator on what i assume is dicks
prepare yourself for a plethora of retweets, condescending behavior, and colorful language. also, i enjoy car selfies.
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