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Ranch dressing is the sleaziest of all dressings
SIRI, FIND MY BOYFRIEND!
(hahaha, dumb bitch. I don't have one!)
This party smells like fat sex and Splenda
I really like instagram but I would really love insta-boxedwine
I imagine it's a lot like boxed wine or diet coke... or happiness
Do you guys know what it's like making out with a boy? Like the feeling you get from it?
Is your hair naturally fluorescent pink?
Sex tip: get in my bed
I just did a push-up and two sit-ups. Pretty sure I'm a model now
I feel like most cats don't even know I exist.
Thought upon waking up: "I wonder if blind people think women's tennis is porn?"
WebMD just called... I mean my mother
Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the Internet #nosleep #helloadderall
God I hope panic attacks burn calories
Sitting in my car in the rain, thinking about Snooki being pregnant and how the world will end in 254 days, 6 hours, and 2 minutes.
"The Mayans were right - Rick Santorum 2012" Should be his campaign slogan #doomsday
My sleep number is Franzia
And then it was Franzia O'clock
I accidentally forgot my phone in my car during my first class. Now I know what the Holocaust was like
There's no way you could ever understand the conversations I have with my imaginary boyfriend.