I sleep better at night thinking that batman wears undies with me on them.

I almost became a truck driver. I like driving, seeing the world





And killing whores.

I like my men like my tattoo needles. Long, hard, nonstop thrusting, the right mixture of pain and pleasure







And disposable.

Your cock wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I hinted for breakfast in bed.

Poor dude at work lost his wallet. That sucks.





Unrelated, who wants to go to lunch? My treat, I recently came into some money.

Watching law and order with the hubs, he asked if I was going to be his special victim tonight? I asked, of his unit?

These titties ain't gonna suck themselves.




Never-mind



I can reach them.

If you hate laundry and dishes don't ever get married.


Unless you're a dude, then marry now. Everyone knows that's the wife's job.

I'll blow you for alcohol, diamonds, drugs, a boob job...

Not for money tho. I'm not a whore!

My hubs says it feels great when I sneeze while we are screwing.


Unrelated: Hubs brought me flowers today, silly guy forgot I'm allergic.

If there's a drink that's better than rum, I suspect you have to suck off a unicorn to drink it.

Got paid today! So tonight I will get drunk and fuck



















ing tweet my heart out.

I just fucked a clown, your night is invalid.

I LOVE to star and retweet someone a babillion times in a row, when I know they get vibrated each time. Hello orgasm from ME!

I think* my 5 yr old has played enough Mario kart to drive my drunk ass home.









*pray

This bathroom is like a sauna.





That someone shit in.

People at work will never truly know how my weekend was. Since describing just the foreplay got me 6 sexual harassment charges.

My husband unfollowed me! I win twitter!!






I lose at life.

My husbands car smells like asstray from his butts. My car smells like vanilla from my cupcake farts.

If my husband ask for DM's of tit pics one more fucking time!




I'm just gonna post my boobies on his TL rather than DM them to him AGAIN.