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If I had a nickel for every time I thought of you, I would start thinking about you more.

I found Dove in a soapless place

"if she's never used dial-up internet, she's too young for you"

I would choose honest over perfect any day.

I wanna straddle your mind.

How do you know if someone's vegan? They fucking tell you.

I'm party-trained.

Just heard someone refer to their "baby" as 36 months old. What kind of 372 months old adult doesn't know their multiples of twelve?

I love you this much <3 (less than 3)

I hate it when I daydream in someone's general direction, and they think I'm staring at them. Just kidding, I was staring.

Immature adults are the best kind of adults.

Grammar is sexy.

People on Twitter are obviously just the outcasts on Facebook.

Soo today, I may or may not have called the cops on this guy with a samurai sword, and it may or may not have been an umbrella...

When we're starring each other's tweets simultaneously, I feel like we're in the "No youuu hang up first" stages.. and then you hang up..

I wish I'd get honked at by firetrucks. That's like being called hot by someone who actually knows what hot is.

I don't have time to hate on the haters cause I spend my time loving the lovers

I just heard a tool/repair truck that sounded like an ice cream truck. How am I supposed to trust again?

I just got honked at by a garbage truck. I'm thinking that might have been more of an insult than a compliment.