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condoms prevent minivans
If I had a nickel for every time I thought of you, I would start thinking about you more.
I found Dove in a soapless place
"if she's never used dial-up internet, she's too young for you"
I wanna straddle your mind.
How do you know if someone's vegan? They fucking tell you.
I would choose honest over perfect any day.
I love you this much <3 (less than 3)
Just heard someone refer to their "baby" as 36 months old. What kind of 372 months old adult doesn't know their multiples of twelve?
I hate it when I daydream in someone's general direction, and they think I'm staring at them. Just kidding, I was staring.
Grammar is sexy.
Immature adults are the best kind of adults.
I wish I'd get honked at by firetrucks. That's like being called hot by someone who actually knows what hot is.
When we're starring each other's tweets simultaneously, I feel like we're in the "No youuu hang up first" stages.. and then you hang up..
People on Twitter are obviously just the outcasts on Facebook.
I don't have time to hate on the haters cause I spend my time loving the lovers
Soo today, I may or may not have called the cops on this guy with a samurai sword, and it may or may not have been an umbrella...
I just got honked at by a garbage truck. I'm thinking that might have been more of an insult than a compliment.
So many things could go wrong, but so many things could go right.