@steelopus' (Steve Lopez) most faved Tweets...
I'm overhearing my sister talking to my mom about Facebook and it's making me want to burn down the entire internet.
One of my fav Sunday morning pasttimes is driving around the area where all the hipsters live and honking at all the walk-of-shamers.
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To the dopey-looking HS student behind me at the store, obviously skipping school, buying a 4pk of Red Bull and a 12pk of Trojans: Godspeed.
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Five meatballs on my 6-inch sub?! Whoa there, cowboy. Let's slow things down a little. I don't even know your name!
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I responded to a Craigslist ad for a bunch of Rockband gear. He replied from a hotmail address. Now I kinda don't want to buy it anymore.
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OMG NEW HOUSE IN 30 MINUTES. I'M SO EXCITED I MAY HAVE JUST PEED MY PANTS. (GAH! NO! THAT'S A SYMPTOM OF AMYLOIDOSIS!)
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How long is too long to stare into the toilet after you knocked a live spider into the bowl and flushed it? My feet are getting kinda tired.
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Now the whole office is giving me shit for wearing a striped shirt with plaid shorts. You know what? Fuck you all. I *AM* FASHION.
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I'm not gonna lie; I think the only reason I'm still sitting in this jury room is because my last name is Lopez and they think I'm Hispanic.
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I just spent 2 minutes in Pier 1 Imports and I think I grew a full set of lady bits. I never, ever, want to go back there.
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