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Hot tall skinny girls with long hair and strong eyebrows, keep doing what you do.
"Hey man"-Jonah Hill's text to Bradley Cooper
I wish I was friends with a Food Network personality so I could get invited to really awkward staged dinner parties.
Our future President is currently in study hall, making a "Scumbag Steve" meme about the cousin who broke his XBox.
RE last tweet: Midnight cupcakes are a little like Midnight cowboy only they're baked goods instead of prostitutes.
Fuck it, I'm making midnight cupcakes.
You ain't never gonna find a mutha fucka with yuletide gayer than mine.
Watching "Martin" and pounding 90's nostalgia with a side of sangria...
And a cardboard cutout of your mom.
I will call your diabetes "The Type Twosies" and I will not apologize
I always make piping hot tea and then forget about it until it's room temperature. :(
If you love someone, set them free. Then, if they return to you, chain them back up in your hidden cellar.
It's only when you hear "Blurred Lines" at a wedding & think "that's not appropriate here" that you realise it's not appropriate anywhere.
Things I will never say:
- the word 'amazeballs'
- "No thanks, I'm not hungry"
- "Hey, soul sister"
- "That new Childish Gambino is dope!"
Well I got news for my haters: I also have a lovely black bean hummus.
Tim Burton sighs as he unfolds Helena's Christmas list to see:
1. Very small top hat
2. Very small top hat
3. Very small top hat
4. Very sma
M'lady would like to know for with what you twerk. You might enjoy my book. It's pumpkin spice flavor for fall: http://amzn.to/16cwFmO%20