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Just read through my old tweets and thought, 'Wow, you've come a long way.' Then I realized I'm sitting here reading through my old tweets.
If "The Bicycle Thief" were about the kid who stole my Rampar in 5th grade, fuck that kid.
One of my favourite Wiretaps of the season: http://www.cbc.ca/wiretap/episode/2014/07/25/safe-house-1/ … w/ @starleekine, @hoohahee and Buzz.
It's a pulled pork torta and shandy at 11:15 kinda night amirite
I hate feeling like I have to be strong for all of you
Beetlejuice doesn't appear for real IN HIS OWN MOVIE until minute 47. That is the most badass shit ever.
What if we combined Bachelorette/Biggest Loser? Heavy guys compete for heart of a chubby gal while they all reduce. NETWORKS, DM ME $$$$$!
Ever eaten a whole pizza not because you were hungry but because wrapping it up sounded too hard? Anyway I'm Morgan Freeman what's my line?
I'm not depressed I just ran out of bb cream
at the butcher's I worry I'll randomly blink the code where he waves me back to taste the human meat
Mondays, Herpes, whatever. The POINT is, I have a case of it.
Boyfriend met my family and they all think he's funny and wonderful.
I hope one day they feel that way about me.
I lost the receipt
it'd be raisins with cookies in them and not vice versa if it was up to me. oh sorry, i do solemnly swear to uphold the office of the presi
I'll call back later. If you don't know me, read my book. If you do know me, buy my book but don't read it: http://amzn.to/16cwFmO%20