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Facebook is comprised of people who don't know how to spell "definitely" but are certain they'd do a better job than the President
High anxiety. Binge eating. Journey.
I've officially turned into my mother.
Extremely Disappointed. How I feel when I walk by Candies Bras at Kohls and only see that they're all mega-push-up. For juniors.
My stomach is large. It contains multitudes of pizza slices.
I think at his next press conference Obama is going to light a Camel at the podium and just say "Fuck all ya'll". And I do not blame him.
Good one to whoever came up with the idea of cutting the umbilical cord.
A little confused Sanrio is claiming Hello Kitty is not a cat because she's actually one of H.P Lovecraft's "Elder Gods."
Based on funny Twitter pals whom I went to school with, Twitter is the social media choice of smartass kids from the back row everywhere.
I'm listening to "God is a DJ" by Pink from the "Mean Girls" soundtrack because we all make our own choices.
Meeting boyfriend's family today. I've decided to be cautiously optimistic. I can always recite the Gettysburg Address if things get awkward
I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'm at the second episode and it's everything I love about the Dick Van Dyke Show: DICK VAN DYKE.
The sooner I go to sleep the sooner I can wake up and drink delicious delicious coffee.
I don't know why they chant "Bee Beds" over and over at this basketball game.
Obviously stoned women having a conversation about algebra in the swimming pool: "Like, how can anything equal y?"
I'll call back later. If you don't know me, read my book. If you do know me, buy my book but don't read it: http://amzn.to/16cwFmO%20