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Short stories are great if you enjoy fiction but only have a little time to become incredibly depressed.
Woman exclaiming, "I'm gonna need TWO things" to Chipotle employee sounds like she's been hurt before
salad mission: ACCOMPLISHED.
*woman gives birth*
woman: I think I'll name her sara
doctor: I'm sorry, but that name's already taken.. may i suggest sara89 or sara_13?
Don't be the girl who keeps saying "It's so true!" at a comedy show.
I've been consistency tired for at least a decade now.
QUIZ: are my roommates allergic to doing dishes?
Despite what you've heard, gently manipulating the corner of your mouth will not lead to an independent spirit award.
Well, I've searched every single millimeter of my body and still can't find the elusive clitoris everyone keeps talking about.
Google "dog in heat" and you get a LOT of images of puppy vaginas. For some this is a warning; for others, a pro tip.
Glendale is a shortcut to despair.
I'll call back later. If you don't know me, read my book. If you do know me, buy my book but don't read it: http://amzn.to/16cwFmO%20