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Work with Matt! At Slack! https://twitter.com/mathowie/status/725729618632695808 …
been off social media lately but the 'When you're done mourning wanna do my podcast?' DM I got tells me Twitter is still running efficiently
Ran into an ex and had a conversation so terse it made me think his therapist has definitely told him not to talk to me.
Lemonade was a very popular drink and it still is.
I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis.
Beyoncé is good also
Never let anyone tell you that your sext game doesn't get better when you get older. Because I should be in jail.
I'd take a class called "How to Act Excited When Your Friend Who's Always in Bad Relationships Gets into a New Relationship."
IMMEDIATELY gain the upper hand of a conversation by saying "you remember me, right?" after being introduced to somebody.
White Google (Probably?)
• who is becky
• rachael ray ugly
• is lemonade vegan
• destiny's child greatest hits
My wife watches movie trailers in portrait mode on her iPhone, if anyone is wondering why I’m shrieking into the void.
I'm impressed by how my body wakes up with a panic attack *every time* I take a nap. That adrenaline is supposed to be protective, I guess.
I feel my most powerful when I make eye contact with a shitty driver and slowly nod my head no.
Make Becky's Hair Great Again
Cannot tell you guys how close I got to fucking a dude named Doug. Whew. Can you imagine? Would he have called my asshole the Doug Out? Whew
I'll call back later. If you don't know me, read my book. If you do know me, buy my book but don't read it. http://amzn.to/16cwFmO%20
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