Last night I talked to a guy who thought Indiana was in Illinois.

@harranjo blue?

Excited I got new followers. Disappointed when they were all just @camron_cossell

I don't always take birth control, but when I do, it's every other day. I am...the most interesting woman in the world.

Jesus carumba!

First boob sweat of the season #summertime #thelivingseasy

@duskypanther perfect is the enemy of good!

Here's some mediocre bastardized italian food to eat amidst the strong scent of shitty baby diapers.

I'd rather eat Mcdonalds than Olive Garden because Olive Garden is consistently disapponting.

Does anyone else just interpret #blessed as #brag? Eh.

What the world needs now is more wax museums.

How come everything is terrible but I'm fantastic?

1 time out of 10, Velveeta is the victory meal. 9 times out of 10, It is the meal of self-loathing.

What do we say to the Central Authentication Service when it wants you to change your IU passphrase? Not today.

Movin' on up. DAT CORPORATE LADDER.

I feel like a sim. I got my socialization points in for the day!

Side note, one time during name game Wesley Rupert thought Adam Hartman's name was Ben Bernanke.

Is "galore" a professional word? Like, could I use it in a cover letter? I don't want to. I'm just curious, ok?

One time I saw Pete Rose in Las Vegas, I think.

Let's take pictures of ourselves at restaurants