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The fact that someone named Soulja Boy has $55,000,000 to spend on a private jet saddens me.
James Franco is now a professional photographer, just solved global warming crisis and invented a new color of sky.
It's sweet how insomnia and hopelessness insist on going everywhere together.
Even Kristen Stewart isn't on Team Edward. :(
My response to you bringing guitars out at a party is the same had you disrobed and dunked your shriveled manparts in the hummus.
If I had to choose one Beatle to marry, dead or alive, I would definitely choose alive.
I wonder what Kelly Ripa and her 36 miniature abdominal muscles are doing this afternoon.
Does the black man who just catcalled me make my ass look fat?
Is there an app that automatically deletes people from my contacts when they become parents?
I don't trust people who put asterisks in their profanity.
Why didn't I get invited to that thing I don't want to go to?! = my attitude toward socializing
Everything I know about true love I learned from "Grease." To get the guy, you have to take up smoking and dress like a whore.
Just had lovely dinner for a friend's birthday, met interesting people, had a perfect night. No one took any photos. What a waste of time.
Yes, fat girls, we know. You like your curves.
One of you call my mother. She seems anxious to retell the $10 two-pronged lightbulb story. Oh, the woman weaves a delicious yarn.
So the laundry thing is going to keep happening is what I'm starting to get.
Do Not Resuscitate #CandyHeartRejects
If my home were on fire and I could only remove one item from the house it would be flames.
The one good thing about my loud, hacking cough is my neighbors may finally realize I can hear their horrifying sex grunts.
The music released by RHCP in the last two decades is the most convincing argument I've ever witnessed for staying on heroin.