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My wifes leaving me because I "follow a bunch of WHORES!" So, cograts ladies. And gentlemen. You HAVE been recognized for your achievements!
If i missed anyone, please call me on it. I'm used to it. My wife has to remind me what I fucked up, twelve years ago, every five minutes!
If your going 2make urself up like a dead fucking clown that fell face first into a tackle box, then don't get all pissy when kids stare!
Just got hit on by 45+ skank with2 teeth &wearing a tube top at my 10yrold sons baseball practice, if your wondering how fuckably hot I am!
2day is my beautiful wife's bday! She doesn't get enough credit 4 turning my life around &helping mefind the path 2 being the man I want 2b
I thought my Creamy Curl & Dr. Pepper "diet" was going REAL well. Turns out, my belt buckle was just in the wrong hole all day.
Alright,Oprah,we get it! You OWN a network,filled with shows staring YOU, talking 2 white ppl, all in pursuit of world domination.WE GET IT!
I'm sorry I'm tryingto pass u. Ur "GO HARD OR GO HOME" rear window lettering led me to believe that u weren't a 12MPH driving, nutless sack.
Again, casual Friday is for jeans,t shirts & shit! Not $80 slacks,$12 flip flops,& 50¢ feet! NOBODY WANTS TO SEE YOUR FUCKING FEET JERRY!!!
If I could BUY you for what you're REALLY worth and SELL you for what you THINK you're worth, I would be filthy rich and rid of you! WIN WIN
Smarties are a gateway drug!
Will I ever be completely comfortable with using LOL? ............ God, I hope not.
Take thy beak from out my heart.
Just saw an old "friend". He totally ignored me. What an "asshole".
My wife just learned an invaluable lesson from our kids. You can't walk away a barefoot badass while stepping on Legos.
Generally, I get along with people very well but, whoever's heating up delicious pastries without sharing is about to get fucked up!
Hey, you on the other side.....how the fuck did you get your grass so green?!?!
Her heart was in the right place, her brain just forgot to meet her there.
Little league baseball is everything right about being a boy in spring. Makes me long 4 childhood. Minus puberty. And being poor. Fuck that!
My wife:All you do is look at other people's twitties!My kids love me but they're young and don't know any better. Happily married proud father of 3.#Gopack