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Hey decaf coffee drinker....why not go smoke a candy cigarette when you're done with your play coffee.
I always cry after sex....$500 is a lot of money.
I like to stomp on my hand and call it names. The make up masturbation is mind blowing.
I have it on good authority that you mother fuckers were up late...cursing and drinking.
My Twitter/RL line is so blurred. I walked up to a lady, told her a cunt joke then got mad when she refused to follow me around the store.
I laugh every time my wife says my dick smells like the dog's breath. How does she not pick up that hint of peanut butter?
Having my 14 yr old drive me to store for more beer is responsible right? We live in the country people...he's like 26 in city years.
Twitter is pointless and I'm cancelling my account. Whew, she's gone. My wife was standing there but walked off. I'm never quiting you MF's!
Oh, I'm not folding the clothes how you fold them? Maybe you should shut the fuck up since I'm folding the fucking clothes!!!
I need some new clothes. Finding a gay lover my size would probably be more fun than the mall.
I'll force every inch of my love in you.
Anyone can please her body. Fuck her mind.
Confetti just shot from my dick. It seems I just reached my 1,000,000th climax. I really wish you guys could have been there.
Is throat punching a choking hooker a form of CPR or just more shit I pay for?
Is it odd that I am Twitter crush monogamous?
I'm out here driving the streets looking for you people. Put your fucking avi's on the mailboxes already!
Look baby, all those other @'s don't mean anything. You're the only Twitter crush for me.
Last week I was helping my grandpa bathe and as I lifted his raggedy old balls I thought...was Austin Powers and Dr. Evil the same actor?
I could get lost in your eyes. By eyes I mean your vagina. By lost I mean I have a baby carrot dick and you'll soon leave me.
I'd like to run a couple of things across you.