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WANDA DOESN'T HAVE CANCER!!!
hug your parents whenever possible
at a str**ght bar and it's cool but all i can think about is how this building would make a really good value village smh
i feel bad for other fat dudes bc i'm cuter and funnier than them so they're just regular fat and that's boring as hell
WHO 👏 DA-FUCK 👏 KARE
my cousin doesn't like beyoncé so we aren't cousins anymore
i need to stop fetishizing jewish men
saw people having sex in a truck right in front of my apartment at like 6pm - do you know where your man is????????????
you're single because you're mean so stop asking god and twitter. go ask your demons.
don't go chasin' waterfalls there are a shit ton of jagged rocks at the bottom
me drunk, talking to a homeless person: i mean like you'd tell me if i looked homeless, right?
when i die i'ma haunt y'all sumn fierce
me: *stands in aisle at Walgreens while texting and wearing a capt. america tshirt*
lady: do you work here?
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