Rape is such an aggressive word, I prefer struggle cuddles

Why is fisting called fisting?I think uppercunting is a much better name.

We all have to live with disappointments, but I have to fuck mine too

Relationships are a lot like fat people. They usually don't work out.

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down.


That's how you wash a cup

My boyfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well he's not exactly my boyfriend yet

No Pornhub, I do not want to share anal invaders 3 on Facebook.

My granny caught me wanking yesterday, she was so shocked she had a stroke. Couldnt believe how soft her hands were !

There are many ways to say I love you, but fucking is the fastest.

Failed a job interview today. Apparently a gangbang isn't proof that you have worked effectively as part of a team.

I get so lonely at night, I only shave one leg, that way it feels like there's a man in bed with me

I hate this time of day.Halfway between never drinking again and noon.

My boyfriend left me today because he said I was too kinky in the bedroom, I nearly spit out his piss when he told me

I'm like a condom, if I'm not on your dick, I'll be in your wallet

A stork might bring you a baby one day, ladies. But a swallow never will.

Unfortunately no one wants to fuck my inner beauty

My dad has a habit of making unintentional innuendos. I hope he doesn't rub off on me.

Just noticed on my box of matches a warning that says "fire kills children"
Thanks for the tip!

Just seen a fat bird wearing a t-shirt which says " I love Hip Hop"I think the 'C' and the 'S' have fallen off.

Anyone saying having a child was the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-cats fall out of a vending machine at once..