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@strandell's (Jonas Strandell) most faved Tweets...
strandell
The plural of “moron” is “focus group.”
@strandell
strandell
Slept for 45 minutes on the couch and the kids didn't trash the place. Phew… Oh my God, they drew penises on my face didn't they?
@strandell
strandell
Twitter is like a whorish ex you can't stop banging.
@strandell
strandell
There are no problems that can't be solved with a rooftop and a semi-automatic weapon.
@strandell
strandell
Beauty is but a light switch away.
@strandell
strandell
Luke, I'm your motherfucking father. #LinesSamuelLJacksonshouldhavehad
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strandell
I just used the fax. I haven't been that nervous in years.
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strandell
Jesus, my glasses are greasier than fat Texan at Hooters.
@strandell
strandell
My wrist's been killing me so I went to to the doc. She: "You have well developed muscles in that area." Me: "Yes, I've been single a lot"
@strandell
strandell
At a designschool I was once asked for my best advice to aspiring designers. I replied "learn to bend over". The room went silent.
@strandell
strandell
Brushed my teeth with the strongest toothpaste known to man. Also used mouthwash. Need your eyebrows removed? Ask me to breathe on you.
@strandell
strandell
Vaccinate against swine flu? Scared much? Pff... I'm bent over, cheeks apart, baby.
@strandell
strandell
I would give up control of my sphincter muscle if it meant that I didn't have to work tomorrow.
@strandell
strandell
The early bird get the worm, but the second mouse get the cheese.
@strandell
strandell
My new tattoo is itching as if I spent the night with my arm inside a thai hooker.
@strandell
strandell
Calling other parents, making parenting plans like carpooling always make me feel too grown up. Like they're gonna call my bluff any second.
@strandell
strandell
I like my balls the way I like my movies: 90 minutes of overpriced and mindless fun. Leaving you all empty inside after.
@strandell
strandell
In hindsight flashing a hot mom, yelling "treat THIS", when she was trick or treating with her kid was a bad idea.
@strandell
strandell
Accidentally turned on the tv, volume on max. Bloody hell, another perfectly good pair of underpants ruined!
@strandell
strandell
It's too bad my client lives in the city. He's depriving some small village of a pretty good idiot.
@strandell
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