@stretta's most faved Tweets...
Vitamin Water™ is great for stress relief. It works best when you put it in a tube sock and beat the crap out of what is annoying you.
Oh, sure. When SHE looks at pictures of mostly-naked women on her computer that's called 'shopping'.
I wonder if every father at the park thinks their daughter is the most beautiful here because THEY'D BE WRONG.
Having a compass on my iPhone will make it far easier for me orient my body to face Cupertino when I pray to Steve five times a day.
The key to a successful relationship is honesty. Carefully-constructed, painstakingly-edited honesty.
How much trouble would someone be in with their spouse if they lost their child at the museum because they were twittering?
Hypothetically.
Hypothetically.
Of all the things Twitter provides, it is the exaggerated sense of self-importance I enjoy the most.
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My dad's super power is the ability to locate a game of golf on tv, anytime, anywhere. I didn't even know my tv got golf.
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protip: if you've lost your cat, just open a guitar case. The cat will be sitting in the case within two minutes.
15
iTunes has twitter and facebook integration. Now we're one step away from your household appliances gossiping about you behind your back.
15
Wife came up to my studio last night and we chatted for an hour and a half.
We have GOT to get that television replaced.
We have GOT to get that television replaced.
15
I forget. When an anti-gay marriage Republican is DUI leaving a gay bar, do we set our clocks forward or backward an hour?
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