Follow friday is so annoying, all you guys do is suck each others dicks.

For the sake of today, I hope the difference between NyQuil and DayQuil is cocaine.

I'm pretty sure I just sucked off that thermometer.

When I wear hideous outfits I feel like I am one sock closer to my goal of beating fashion.

If I let my bills sit on the coffee table they get covered in tomato sauce and weed and only then is it acceptable to send them in.

Getting naked. doing dishes. Animal collective. congealed ramen. college.

Not many food options. Chicken and fruit loops? or chicken and waffles OMG CHICKEN AND WAFFLES!!!

Why is their ash in my cleavage? I haven't smoked since last night. Or showered. Got it.

I just bought my first push-up bra so now I can snort coke off my boobs without moving a muscle!

My boss asked me to write my own letter of rec and she will sign it. This would be cool except humans are not built to suck their own dicks.

Being a business major makes me feel dirty. Thanks, America.

Back to college where the computer labs are full but people are too scared of the Linux computers and its a win win win for me.

Twitter is for assholes!

Taking my shit off twitter and taking it to the streets. THE STREETS.

YES you whip that fifth of Smirnoff out of your bag in the library. WORK IT, GURLLLL.

My throat is so swollen that I can't deep throat anything.

I'm not drinking alone. I am drinking with my pumpkin.

Prof: New generations of drugs treat new generations of bugs. Me: New generations of drugs make new generations of hugs.

humping smirnoff ice. because in my world, #summerseve2010 doesn't end.

Home is where the blankets on your bed are really the dogs and the pillows are stolen from the couch. Apparently.