Nine Inch Nails and 311 join forces to create the horrific tragedy of a band, "NIN11"

Do I know any jokes about sodium? Na.

Just whispered "Me too." after a crow cawed in the distance.

I really want to date someone on a planet from Star Wars. Looking for love in Alderaan places, I guess.

what if every time you shortened 'thanks' to 'thx' the THX movie noise played at ear-splitting volumes

i love dating websites pic.twitter.com/KKleRMBM

yo check this: two people canoodling in a sleeping bag is called a cuddlepillar. end of discussion

DJ jesus died for your spins

reminder that Jaleel White direct messaged me once. Steven Urkel sent this to me. http://t.co/s7TxXJS1

"Reverse racism is real" said the white girl w/ sugar skull & dreamcatcher tats. Her bf nods, white dude dreadlocks cascading down his back.

the primary objective of life is to keep your ghost captive for as long as possible

my cat keeps barging in my room and staring at me like i owe him money

I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Or That Our President Is Actually 2 Sneaky Children In A Trenchcoat Trying To Prank Their Dads With Taxes

A washed-up Lou Bega working in fast food tries to remain relevant by causing a ruckus every time someone tries to order the combo #5.

"microwave" pronounced like Rico Suave

The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.

never forget that existence is the greatest prank of all

don't romanticize sadness

▲ ▲ ▲ everything's coming up witchhouse ▲ ▲ ▲

the floor is lava. the chairs are also lava. so is the skin of another human being. emotions are lava. deep lasting relationships are lava.