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The human body is the most amazing machine on Earth. With some of the worst pilots.
Few things are as beautiful to us as our own stubbornness. Few things are as detestable as someone else's.
All these romantic movies are so tragic and depressing. They always end in marriage.
Is the ball made of flubber or something? Nobody can hold on to this thing! #NFL
Based on my history, Twitter has given me a free bonus feature: everytime I hit "Send," I get a pop up that says "Really?"
"I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one." Author unknown but awesome
I'll be honest. I don't understand the appeal of Favstar at all. Call me when they invent RTstar.
I'm afraid of commitment, so when things started getting heavy, I told her about my Twitter account. Problem solved. Thanks Twitter!
I tried being myself. It didn't work out. So now, like you, I'm being someone else.
Like Poe and Melville, my timeline will only truly be appreciated when I'm dead.
Ha! Snow just came on the jukebox. This guy made Sean Paul sound like Buju Banton.
White unmarked van. A hawaiian shirt on hanger in the window. Just pulled into a dark parking lot. Magnum PI on stakeout or scary pedophile?
At some point our lives will consist of crying over someone's casket, or someone crying over ours. And that's if we're lucky.
Hungover? This'll help #FF @awfultweeter @buck4itt @jeremysiron @jrehling @kelkulus @lanyardquirk @mattmanic @smeagolsfree @thelastvirgo
Amazing how attractive common interests are. A girl is cute, then you find out she likes all the same music as you and she becomes gorgeous.
I feel the same way about the Holocaust. RT @phungshway: I got that MILKSHAKE song stuck in my brain and I blame all of you.
I never let strangers use my phone but I let her. I guess the small consolation of a black eye is you can leverage a lot of sympathy with it
Cynically sincere.
Stats can't be shown as @stumblechuck has never signed in to Favstar.
