Today is National Hug Your Cat Day. Or as cats call it, “Yeah, don’t do that.”

7-Eleven sells their own brand of wine. This is for people who find the idea of buying wine at Walmart too pretentious.

A survey found that 56 percent of men expect to pay on the first date. While the other 44 percent have never been on a second date.

If the doctor says you only have six months to live, get married immediately. This will make the six months seem like forever.

Titanic has been updated to play to the younger crowd. In the new version, the captain hits the iceberg because he's sexting.

Denny’s may open as many as 50 restaurants in India. When they heard this, people in India said, “Hey, we’re hungry, but not that hungry.”

There is now a $250 fine if you get caught eating in the subway. If this works, then they’re going to start cracking down on murder.

Police in Detroit busted an operation with $1million of pot plants. Great — find the only profitable business in Detroit and shut it down.

A death row inmate from Utah has chosen a firing squad. The other option was watching “Khloé & Lamar.”

Not sure, but I think Manual Retweet is my lawn guy's name.

The inventor of the wireless TV remote passed away over the weekend at the age of 96. He died doing what he loved — not getting up.

Hugh Hefner has reconciled with his 24-year-old playmate girlfriend. Honestly, at his age, she’s just there to blow on his soup.

A new website allows you to use Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, surf the web, and read all the news in one place. That place is called “work.”

If you love something, set it free; and if it comes back to you, it probably ran out of money and remembered you were Hugh Hefner.

Got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. Picked up my briefcase & the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

The U.S. Postal Service reported a $5.3 billion loss in the last quarter, making it the government’s most successful enterprise.

A study says over 40% of people can’t resist using Twitter in the bathroom. I’m just thankful they’re not using Skype.

Happy Cinco de Mayo. I celebrate with Mexican food, or as it’s known in Mexico: “food.”

Fathers now spend more than 3x the amount of time with their children than in years past. Mostly due to a new trend called “unemployment.”

Research shows that Americans are becoming more honest about their weight. I guess people are starting to realize we can see them.