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Drake is pretty successful for a rapper whose lyrics sound like the brunch conversations of an affluent group of bored white housewives.
I've never had "the one that got away," but I accidentally left a full bottle of gin at a party one time, so I know how it feels.
I like how my autocorrect changes "hun" to "Hun," like I'm playfully referring to my girlfriends as barbarous 4th-century European nomads.
The best part of being a woman is wildly fluctuating between being terrified when strange men pay attention to me & offended when they dont.
Me watching horror movies: "You idiot! Why would you go into a strange man's house?"
Me at the bar: "Heyyy so I'm going home with this guy"
Becoming an adult feels a lot like when you go up the stairs alone in the dark and you have to force yourself to walk normally and not run.
I'll probably just pick a husband the same way I pick my nail polish colors, and marry the next man I meet with a sassy, alliterative name.
So crazy how any male who I find smart enough for me to be attracted to is also smart enough to know to stay away from me.
OMG guys I'm wearing nothing but my Batman panties, I'm such a dork!
See how irritating that was? Say something original, fake-nerd girls.
A fun drinking game: 'Never Have I Ever,' but with life goals, such as "finished my undergraduate" or "had a meaningful relationship."
I think I speak for all the ladies out there when I say that we are a homogenous collective capable of being summed up w/ a single statement
Pretty sure at this point I'm eating everybody else's feelings too.
Females who engage each other in physical fights need to just grow up and learn how to psychologically torture each other like REAL women.
Wearing a matching bra and panties is fun because it's like you have a little secret that no one else cares about because you're alone.
One of my favorite things to do is become desperately infatuated with a guy and then be completely repulsed & disinterested when I get him.
"So who are you still in love with?" "So who are YOU still in love with?" --honest first date conversation
"I actually get along with guys waaay better than girls." - sluts
Damn boy, is your name "Apostrophe?" Because you are so possessive.
"Girls' Night!" = let's all sit around together and analyze the "heyyy" texts we got this week
Yeah boy, casually mention that you actually prefer when girls don't wear makeup so that I know you're different from all the other guys.
I don't listen like spring OR talk like June.