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Dude looks like a lady / He has a vagina, for instance #literalpopsongs
"I have my books and my poetry to protect me." #PaulSimonsTerribleIdeas
Joe was a man with a wandering eye, but it always came back, except for one time in Fresno. #badcharacterintros
Refreshed my browser 417 times #whentwitterwasdown
Are power bars lying to me?
Just heard a 4 y/o ask another kid's mom the following about the mom's female friend: HEY! IS THAT YOUR FRIEND OR YOUR SWEETHEART? #progress
Sad to see Amy Winehouse's death described as inevitable. People can recover from great depths. Many make it with help and a little luck.
Stella's height was surprising, considering her girth, which was also surprising, but not as surprising as her nose. #badcharacterintros
ATTENTION POP CULTURE SLAM POETS & DOPEY WHITE RAPPERS: "Something something Chia Pet / Something something Chat Roulette." You're welcome.
Lovin' you is easy cause you're beautiful / If you were marginally attractive you'd be dead to me / Your personality smells #literalpopsongs