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*petitions the court to force everyone at the dmv to wear state issued fedoras*
want to ask my 3rd fav barista out on a date but afraid if it doesn't work out I'll never be able to go to my 5th fav starbucks ever again
how can you expect a dude to stay sober if you're not going to provide comfier seating at your 12 step meetings
my car was stolen last night but the police already found it. that's as close to the american dream I'll ever get
the world is transitioning from absconding forearm tattoos to elevating them to pharoah status-appreciate we all hate each other either way
did I just really just rent an apartment for the express reason it's located somewhere called queen philomena blvd
how does nicotine gum manage to migrate into my hair when I fall asleep sitting up
weirder to admit I desperately need a woman to support my basic activities than that I put a pineapple in a washer and didn't think twice
So now I have nowhere to stash six lbs of potatoes but my cheeks, I'd make a pretty decent squirrel
someone told me if I mashed 6lbs of potatoes it would change my opinion of contemporary hip hop but they were absolutely wrong
all these craiglist missed connections for a dude in a judds tour t-shirt staring into the middle distance can't just be for me
far beyond the pleasures a man or woman could offer http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/msr/3788826252.html …
sorry, but if you let it get cold it ceases to be pasta. that shit is like worms on the pavement after a hard rain.
normalizing political assassination doesn't upset me half as bad as the president allowing grumpy cat to proliferate under his watch
over it
