I used to be a people person but people ruined that

Why does my phone keep telling me to flirt with hot girls..?

For the love of baby Jesus!....it's 'you're'!!!!!!

Isn't the point of UFO that it's un-fucking-identified??

I bought a lovely new bag today, it's 100% cameltoe

Does anyone actually have a job?

Why can't we RT bio's?

Fluidity. That's a good word. Say it. No, not in your head, out loud stupid.

I'm reading tweets backwards, they still don't make sense

I only tweet 3 times a year. Thanks for following.

Menstrual Asylum #bored

Just so you know, I don't want kids and I'm never getting married. Unless you ask me to marry you, then I'm having the biggest wedding ever!

Whenever I get on twitter I feel hungry. There's a lot of 'bacon talk' on here

I just realised that you can direct message on this thing! Like that's not the last 2 years completed wasted

The Curious Case of Benjamin Butthole

#PornHorrorMovies

Family Dies

#depressingsitcoms

Grrrrr, I keep finding vegetables in my beer crisper

Fanny pack

Ha! RT @klink82: "I don't even know what that is..." -Me, to my boss when he asked me if I was on Twitter

Slip sliding away. Slip sliding a-way-a-a-ay. The something the destination, the something hestination a-way-ay.