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Thirsty, but the Brita's empty. Can't fill it cuz the sink's full of dirty dishes. Can't load dishwasher cuz its full of clean dishes. Dies.
If I find out my twitter husband has a second wife, there will be twell to pay
Occupy Hair Salon is a success! I marched in shouting MORE BLOND LESS BROWN and within 2 hours my demands were met. #capitalismworks
"Did you watch the DNC last night?" "No, but I read about it on twitter." Reading twitter is the new doing things.
I don't get people who don't have a desire to improve their social status, a drive to better themselves. Merely surviving is good enough?
Yay! Yay! It's Sunday! The one day I don't have to be online all day but am anyway because I lack intimacy in my personal relationships! Yay
I just want to follow a nice guy, the kind of guy who will follow me back. We could DM, settle down, Maybe raise a few tweets of our own
I've just come to a realization: I'd rather do without than have bad bacon or bad sex.
I'd like to tell those people who base their identity on telling others that what they think & do is wrong... What you think & do is wrong
I'm not a hooker but I do make people feel sexy for cash. I do let people dump on me so I can maintain my lifestyle.
I never had a 50+ star tweet in my life. As long as I've been living. I never even thought about it! Should I do something? Get a tattoo?
Stop asking me how my Thanksgiving was. Seriously, what do you care?
Sometimes I wish I could star someone starring my tweet. Like I like that you like that I said that.
Damn it feels good to be a skankster
It's funny when people write songs about their feelings. How can they do that without laughing? Don't they know feelings aren't cool?
I just followed someone not because they're interesting but because they only had 4 followers. You should do that too. Throw a dog a bone
If you're a ginger man & you haven't grown a gigantic red beard yet, what are you waiting for?