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Like to analyze dreams? How 'bout this:
I just dreamt that I tried to check as airline baggage an open box of long fluorescent lightbulbs.
Best conversation starter: Carrying a PeeChee folder in public. Seriously. People won't leave you alone.
Hey dude farting audibly while inspecting the clothing a little too closely in the women's section...take your weird fetish shit elsewhere.
In general, when driving, it's usually better to pick one lane and then keep your car in between the lines. Just sayin'.
Hey news media: STOP SHOWING THAT ASSHOLE'S PHOTO.
I think you're lying, Dental Hygienist. How can you say "everything looks good" in my mouth? It's a bunch of teeth and saliva and shit.
Ah yes, always a sucker for the L.A.-insider humor. https://twitter.com/LAScanner/status/607781838011006978 …
Muzak playing. "Your prostate wraps around your urethra, the tube your body uses to eliminate urine..."
--Fun in the dr's ofc waiting room
Texting macros, to make responding to my mother easier.
That's just toothpaste in my hair.
Feeling guilty about having too nice of a car? Try spilling drain cleaner on your leather seats. That'll take care of it. Trust me on this.
<------ says please and thank you to inanimate objects.
Have you guys tried "outside?" The technology is awesome. Stuff's in like 3-D, high def. It's crazy.
Along with other changes to my body and mind has come an enhanced sense of smell and I assure you that most things are unpleasant.
Just absent-mindedly leaned onto a wet produce shelf at the grocery store so I'm looking pretty hot right now.
I'm that grown up who'll still go into a petting zoo even though I don't have any kids.
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