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Today I'm breaking in a new pair of creepers, in case you're wondering how much I buy into outdated rules about what being a grown-up is.
Today I cried in the car while thinking about my favorite scenes from Guardians of the Galaxy.
You have been warned.
Considering calling to threaten some of the potential employers who haven't replied to my applications. I haven't tried that approach yet.
We're all screwed. I just paid less for ground beef and a half gallon of milk at Whole Foods than they're charging at my regular chain.
I am "But clouds dissipate into thin air so why would I store my stuff there?" years old.
People stare at me in public because I look famous, right?
If you haven't heard enough idiotic bluster about how all men under 40 are disrespectful pussies, the old guys at the VA can hook you up.
Sure, Soccer Mom, you have the right to dance ecstatically in the aisles and lose track of your kids, but that doesn't mean you should.
What kind of weirdo has college classes on a Friday?
Based on the attentiveness of the male employees at the grocery store this morning I must be ovulating.
Damnit. I didn't keep good enough records from last Xmas so now I'm not sure if I can give my step-mother-in-law this ridiculous $40 candle.
I'm 43 years old and I still haven't figured out if I think the song You're So Vain by Carly Simon is clever or just stupid.
Holy shit, Verizon just tried to take away the landline # that's been at my dad's house since it was built for our family in 1948. Hell no.
I'm that grown up who'll still go into a petting zoo even though I don't have any kids.