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"Hey Crystal, what's better: Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter?"
*Several teenage girls roll their eyes and leave me alone*
Dear Admissions Committee,
Please try not to hold Katie's volatile and litigious parents against her. She's a lovely girl.
My local DMV runs a PSA on loop reassuring patrons that even if you're an organ donor, medical responders will try just as hard to save you.
Fuck you, Boss. It's not called "correcting a typo" when you're asking me to make changes to your original wording.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: If you're not Batman, why are you even talking to me?
A dark space is almost always bright enough if you just let your eyes acclimate.
Sorry, I gypped those of you with high tolerance. You guys should take a shot every time he says "break down the silos." That should do it.
Conference drinking game: take a shot every time this speaker says "leverage your resources."
"We believe in leading by convening." One of a dozen nonsensical phrases just used by our state director in a two-minute period.
If I gave you one guess whether each of the people who passes by is in the educator or corporate conference group you'd be right every time.
Am I out of line or is it actually ridiculous to have to go through the pool area to another building to get ice at this "resort" hotel?
Apparently I am becoming increasingly common looking. Twice this week strangers have insisted I look just like someone they know.
I seem to be the only one at this conference who is amused that there are 8 cops with shotguns drawn in front of a hotel down the street.
Really, really uncomfortable with the fact that my mother just called something "the bomb."
"Chevy is second to nobody...and by 'nobody,' I mean Ram and Ford." Really, do they not understand how words work?
Does desperately wanting a pair of creepers mean I'm having a mid-life crisis already?
Redondo Beach Pier Arcade. Where the games are broken but they'll still take your money. Good times.
Sort of grossed out by the "tossing away the keys to my luxury car" commercial right after the touching piece about the NFL fighting hunger
I'm that grown up who'll still go into a petting zoo even though I don't have any kids.