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Just absent-mindedly leaned onto a wet produce shelf at the grocery store so I'm looking pretty hot right now.
So now basically they'll just hand you empty wrappers. https://twitter.com/NBCLA/status/603411327021887488 …
Typed "basically." Autocorrect suggested "vaginally."
This tweet is the first time I've ever typed "vaginally."
Twitter finds a way.
I'd feel better about myself if I couldn't identify this as a Captain & Tennille song.
One of my old students Instagrams his plates AFTER he finishes eating. He is the winner of today's "my favorite kid ever" award.
"House lifts ban on sledding on Capitol lawn." Glad they're tackling the tough issues. I want my money back.
Any statement made on the news prefaced by "Officials say..." I automatically assume is utter bullshit.
Spoke too soon.
The politeness of these DMV workers is freaking me out.
Images of t-rex not being able to reach stuff make me sad. I'm not quite sure how I manage to function in this cruel world.
It's inevitable that eventually I will spend most of my time lecturing strangers about what they're doing wrong.
I'm that grown up who'll still go into a petting zoo even though I don't have any kids.
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