Shout out to @sonarjose, who's doing great work right now retweeting the hypocrisy and idiocy of the Senate.

I told you to send some Happy Happys over to @djcozmik yesterday b/c it was his birthday, but do it again--that fucker is getting married!

If the Myth of Sisyphus were re-written today, it would involve installing a wireless HP printer.

Oh god, the Onion has me under surveillance.  http://www.theonion.com/articles/friend-who-sent-link-to-8minute-youtube-video-must,32442/?ref=auto …

@sponsoredbyv8 @maurycompson @shinavonne Amen.

There is something called 'Bad Girls Club' and apparently they're going to Greece and I am now afraid for an entire nation.

People who lean their seats back on an airplane are irredeemable dicks.

Best of luck to @djcozmik and @spottedtowhee42 -- a truly wonderful couple

I'm sure others have said the exact same thing, but a slick remake of "Evil Dead" defeats the purpose of the original in the first place.

Remember: for every good point that Matt Yglesias makes, he makes 3 idiotic points and 7 mistakes.

Addendum to earlier tweet: I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!

I think 'Batman & Robin' playing on IFC marks the official death of that channel.

"We don't even know what to call a former Pope!" / How about Inmate n. 1057313?

I'm finally taking unemployment seriously and spending more time hanging out on Twitter.

Having only Lexus commercials for NBC OnDemand is forcing me to look around the room for shit to throw at the TV

A band recorded a song called "Dude Looks Like A Lady" and no one took their instruments away? What the shit. #thanksobama

@spottedtowhee42 The return of Dead Ben!

@shinavonne Apparently I go to the wrong Carl's Jr.s

@shinavonne @walkoffhbp Boy you just a stupid bitch, and girl you just a no-good dick.

@uwebollocks I had that same realization, so now I have a plan to kill myself within 10 minutes.