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  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    I am not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I have one.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    NotInThoseWordsdannydogmouthxsamrlx17mattiebatslayerStudent495diegoalexanderEggotistic________thejonjohn
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    DaHassenpfefferMrsBaker420
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    I am deeply offended that more of you haven't tried to sex me up yet. Deeply offended.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    HAYUDOIN__________dannydogmouthmattiebatslayerdiegoalexanderEggotistic________thejonjohnthisjasonGreenheadsOnly____
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    olvera_mStephenBCramer
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    Really want to freak people out? Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

    • 15
    • FAVS
    izombieidannydogmouthEggotistic________JohnnyHardassthejonjohnthisjasonCthulhu70________hollyberryness
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    ElNingyouBloatedCarcassthejonjohn
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    OMG, greatest term ever-calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

    • 15
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthmattiebatslayerEggotistic________thejonjohnthisjasonCthulhu70________hollyberrynessthatcrazyvoice
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    freedomspinkick__Love_Gunn________
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    Rachel Ray has too much of a scratchy voice to be that peppy. I want her sitting on the porch smoking cigs, waiting for the spaghetti-o's.

    • 15
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthEggotistic________thejonjohnthisjasonCthulhu70________thatcrazyvoiceMikeSchismKarimi______________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    StrasiUnit
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    I sometimes worry about my future, but then I remember how big my boobs are, and all is right again.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthmattiebatslayerEggotistic________thejonjohnCthulhu70________hollyberrynessthatcrazyvoiceMikeSchism
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    LostBoyPaul
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    If star fucks were real fucks I'd be in the middle if a dry spell.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    izombieidannydogmouthmattiebatslayerStudent495Eggotistic________matthewphilips9__Love_Gunn________SuMacDan
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    It's true what they say about working out making you happier-it could also be the wine I reward myself with.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthEggotistic________thejonjohnhollyberrynessthatcrazyvoiceMikeSchismSlappNuttz________brentweav________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    brentweav________
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    The unexamined life is not worth living. Which is why I love Twitter, you examine all the parts of the mind I don't want to go near.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthEggotistic________thejonjohnhollyberrynessthatcrazyvoicesucknouveau______MikeSchismolvera_m
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    Rolling on the floor, kicking and screaming, throwing a massive tantrum because you really want something your way, doesn't work at 30.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthdiegoalexanderEggotistic________thisjasonGreenheadsOnly____WhoCuppedMyCake__matthewphilips9__GASmithIV
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Jermazoid
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    I am also deeply offended that the last one only got 4 stars. Do I have an unreal appreciation for myself? Guess so.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    izombieidannydogmouthEggotistic________haulaymatthewphilips9__RanGtLove_Gunn________theJoeBiz
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    Goddamn you Adam and Eve. Now we have to wear clothes and now I have to do laundry.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthEggotistic________Cthulhu70________hollyberrynessthejonjohnlexieviolinthatcrazyvoicebrentweav________
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    I wonder if these people I love on Twitter would really entertain me in real life? Wait...Twitter is real life-I'm a fuck up!

    • 10
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthEggotistic________thejonjohnolvera_mgirl_eats_worldStudent495BillMc7Canadana
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    When I die and they see that I've checked the organ donation box, they are going to be so disappointed.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthdiegoalexanderEggotistic________johnkoralewski____Cthulhu70________SeanSYannellStephenBCramerhollyberryness
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    Nothing says I'm a porn star like eyelash extensions...well maybe anal bleaching does.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthdiegoalexanderEggotistic________johnkoralewski____DreamersWakePlatinumShower____shmaclynStephenBCramer
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    darknrg126
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    I totally wear make-up to the gym. Nothing is cuter than eyeliner sweat streaks. Nothing!

    • 9
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthEggotistic________thejonjohnNowAPiscesthisjasonshmaclynJonJon_BrownPlatinumShower____
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    I'm not offended when people don't follow back-I just feel really sorry for them. But I'm in love w/ myself, so I'm biased.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthStudent495JustSusan13______diegoalexanderEggotistic________matthewphilips9__Quillboy1MickQwerty
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    Fuck you summer-making me go to the gym and shit.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthEggotistic________thatcrazyvoicerealdancolemanRealJimmySnow____PlatinumShower____MikeSchismjohnkoralewski____
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    If you wear sunglasses right in the middle of your forehead, I hate you the most!

    • 8
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthEggotistic________sucknouveau______RealJimmySnow____MikeSchismStephenBCramerfreedomspinkick__PlatinumShower____
  • t8haze
      Tate Hayes @t8haze

    If I had a daughter I'd force her to get an IUD. If she's like me she'll be a whore and I'm not raising a whore's baby.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthEggotistic________Cthulhu70________MikeSchismLostBoyPaulJonJon_BrownPlatinumShower____MrsBaker420
@t8haze

@t8haze