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Don't call me lazy unless you've walked a couple of steps in my flip-flops.
Listening to Morrissey to cheer myself up.
No, *you're* weird.
Don't think I won't not touch you with this ten foot pole.
Because I will.
Just because I'm lonely and want to communicate doesn't necessarily mean I like people.
There must be at least one parallel universe where they throw away the entire loaf of bread except the two end pieces.
Back off, or I'll use this butterfly to start a chain reaction leading to a terrifying alternate future.
Constant gratification is the new instant gratification.
I love the smell of last night in the morning.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
This back needs less monkey.
In Hawaii, our guitars never gently weep.
However our ukuleles are giant crybabies.
Scientists are worried that machines may outsmart man?
As a society, I'm not entirely convinced that plants haven't already outsmarted us.
Why you always gotta do me like that, dishes?
What have you done for me lately, short term memory?
Shirk you, responsibility.
My glass is half full of empty promises.
The only thing that divides us is zero.
Don't ask me to come clean if you can't keep a secretion.
Without metaphors, I am nothing.
If you love something, throw it away, or keep it, or set it free, or whatever.