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Gay jokes are not funny! Cum on guys!
Cigarettes are like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
Also, I'm sick of 9/11 jokes. They're just plane wrong!
Sometimes I want to rip out all your nails, nicely of course
Does anyone use computers anymore?
Pretty offended that I've never been picked for jury duty.
Just ordered pizza. Half pineapple and half other shit. The pineapple better be on the left half!
Aunt Sid is in town ;) time to trrriiipppp oooouutttt
My phone alarm has this cool option: ' arithmetic- solve a math problem before pressing snooze.' This has the potential to ruin my days.
I love my wife, so I can't have sex with hookers any more.
Sometimes, I think of the most clever thing to tweet, then I think about it too much, and it become untweetable.
Simon says, follow me!
Friday & Saturday..my anti-unemployment
I committed twittercide for a bit, come back to fuckin spam. Fuck you guys.
Cuntitus is cuntageous
Pooping and tweeting at hannaford :-)
Gay jokes are funny either. Come on guys.
It's like a big game of follow the leader. Simon Says, follow me!