Really irritated with tyra banks trying to make men marry their gfs. You can't bully men into it. Let them get their dicks wet in peace

Its NOT sweet or unsweet tea. Its sweet or tea. You can't "unsweeten" tea once you add sugar you fucktards.

I can't wait for the day the warning on my blow dryer says... "NOT A FLOTATION DEVICE"

I wish you knew how bad you suck

This tree has stuffed animals nailed all the way up the trunk. That house screams "we smoke crack and steal children"

Farts are funny until I can smell them. Then there's a lot of gagging and crying. Kind of like my sex life

Jersey shore embarrasses me.

I gauge your worth on @favstar though

Poop's clues #pooptvshow

Who do I thank for not having baby momma drama?

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken

Some people are so disgusting. I'm thinking about stabbing my eyes out with skewers

Its sad to look at someone who was your friend, who you now don't really recognize bc she looks like a meth whore

Funny for how much I don't like roses that I've got so many tattooed on me

I like boobs #acceptance

Hiding in my room from glee. Now about to hide on fb from people tweeting about glee. Next ill hide on myspace and be all alone

This is the second time I've seen facetious in my time line today. I'm glad you guys spell better than the 14 year olds on FB

If your profile pic or avi gets changed to a hatchet man consider yourself unfriended/unfollowed

@kervinf (skh•unht) noun 1. everyones mom but mine

@morgan_fett amazing captain spidey beardface! http://t.co/eRTrVMnp