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@wadehance Congrats on the creepiest baby birth announcement thing I've ever seen.
“@uberfacts: In Ancient Ireland, subjects would routinely suck on their king's nipples to demonstrate their submission.” #SWL skit?
“@uberfacts: The average teenager carries about $30 in cash and keeps $742.70 in a savings account.” I need to rob a teenager.
"Just watched Looper. My breath smells like Chinese food still." --Tweet from the future. Time travel is my favorite @sethprimeurbina
Hello. I need to find a Christian entrepreneur because I have an idea but zero ideas on how to make it happen.
“@uberfacts: Petting a cat helps lower blood pressure, not just for humans, but for the cat also.” YOU'RE WELCOME, UNGRATEFUL CATS.
“@uberfacts: Chances are, the fewer germs in your toilet than your kitchen.” Good! That's where I eat anyways.
“@uberfacts: The average guy spends about one year of his life just staring at women.” For me it was 2007. Wait. Did I read that right?
I'm going to be recording a standing up comedy album this month!!! http://t.co/WkLlrfzY
“@uberfacts: The longest known record for constipation was 102 days.” I bet day 103 felt amazing.
“@uberfacts: A 13 year-old boy in Florida was once arrested for excessive farting in school.” GREATEST THING I'VE EVER READ!
“@uberfacts: 41% of men prefer briefs while 12% say they prefer boxers.” What do all the other men prefer?! I need to know!!!
“@uberfacts: Albert Einstein did not speak in full sentences until the age of 9.” WHAT AN IDIOT!
Now people are going to read Ephesians 5, see all the stuff about sexual immorality, and think I'm a pervert.
If you have not seen this, get ready for the greatest. Steven Tyler, Alice Cooper, and WEIRD AL singing Come Together. http://t.co/39DOR0hV
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