We may not have a cure for AIDS, but at least we have animal shaped rubber bands.

I wanna drive the Mystery Machine.

Flat-bottomed clouds you make the rockin' world go round.

My uncle found a copy of the Declaration of Independence that's in better condition than the one in Washington DC.

"When I was with My Little Pony, Rainbow Dash didn't have wings and was British."

A CAT LITTER BOX BUT INSTEAD OF KITTY LITTER, GLITTER. KITTY GLITTER. GLITTER BOX.

The Westboro Baptist church is blaming the Newtown shooting on the legalization of gay marriage and they are picketing the funerals.

I love George Clooney's voice. More than any voice.

@conortripler write a book. I would buy it. And probably even read it.

Watching Drive for the first time in a long while. All I can see is orange and blue. SO BEAUTIFUL

Ugggghhhhhhhhhh

I like to lay around and smell myself after a shower

Staying up past 3 AM, Kauffman is starting to feel like home again.

Seriously, is there a third political party that doesn't involve being a total asshole to the opposing side?

@conortripler Klout says your influential about Osama Bin Laden, birds, and toothbrush. Yep.

@eliyudin lost my shit haha

I just used the term "panties" so I'm gonna go wash my mouth with a bar of soap then swallow it probs

I never button up my shirt even.
There's buttons on my panties but they serve absolutely no purpose.

@conortripler shit man all these kids got conorrhea

Used PAM cooking spray instead of bug spray because I am a dumbfuck who doesn't belong in the woods, or anywhere for that matter.