May write a musical based on this official Tom Petty message board comment. pic.twitter.com/49FRVnibvG

I don't want to say life is too long but I've been captivated by an unacceptable number of think pieces.

Donald Rumsfeld & Peggy Noonan were treated as experts on TV this morning & Rudy Giuliani must be wondering how he failed to get in on this.

@jakefogelnest Heard reports but didn't believe it until 12:55. I somehow missed your Fred chat until this week, but it was perfect timing.

Ian Rubbish may have just said goodbye to SNL; in honor of that, here's Fred Armisen's chat with @jakefogelnest:  http://snd.sc/105hAz6 

They started naming our sports arenas after corporations and we didn't care so they knew it was cool to start making "Grown Ups" movies.

@traceywigfield Interesting. We have different priorities when it comes to Chex mix, but you know what you want and I respect that.

@traceywigfield You wouldn't accept store-bought Chex mix?

I know we're all excited about Kanye on SNL but it seems weird having him on as musical guest when Bela Fleck is the host.

If I miss "Game of Thrones" when it ends for the season I'm going to gather bearded dudes out in the snow and make them castrate each other.

@thebosha Here it is. It sat like this for a good long while. pic.twitter.com/XX5v25Z4xr

@reelquinn I'll do it.

I've lived half my life in NYC but today I took the G train for the first time ever & now I'll never get home so I'll see you guys in Hell?

If someone is messaging you too much, try texting them a question they won't want to answer, like "Did you know you're annoying?"

Oh whatever, come get me when it's reported that Diana Ross is pregnant.

Marion Barry will always be *my* mayor on crack.

Okay, so maybe "Delicious Fudge as a Substitute for Hope" was a poor title for my TED talk.

What will trigger my most plaintive sob of the night, the "Office" finale or the Knicks' failure to rebound?

Just learned Phoenix played the Apollo the other night and felt a little relieved I missed it, so I'm ready for the grave whenever I guess.

I'd pay to have attended the meeting at MSNBC where they decided on the title of the show "Politics Nation".