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I relish the fact that you've mustard strength to ketchup to me
[o+<] this is me lying in bed ignoring the telephone as it rings
bakers earn most of their dough at yeast by a leaven o'clock. badumbumpshh.
i am wearing a party hat like a unicorn horn YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING GAME
RT if you like me. Favourite if you like me. Ignore if you like me.
how can i get the fundamentalist christians sitting over ther to share their bible study snacks w me while avoiding being bible bashed
I cleaned the house. The neighbour's cat visited my backyard. I wrote a comment on an fb status that got 3 likes. It's been a thrilling day.
"open books, not legs" lol i'll open what i like mate
i'm feeling so wonderful and good and hopeful right now, i collection of feelings i haven't felt in a long time! <3
Listen, God. You gotta get your shit peer reviewed *picks up bible* cos a lot of this *rifles through pages* just doesnt add up bro
oh come on stop making out while breaking bad is playing. and i actually considered befriending these people. is nothing sacred anymore.
the nurse asked this old dude if the painkillers were working for him, he replied 'i prefer whiskey'. old people are the best.
last night i dreamt that the sky fell and i can now confirm that the clouds are in fact made of mcdonalds soft serve ice cream
"i support women's rights but i'm not a feminist" ha-ha ok mate
Babies for Obama followed you [Premium apparel for progressive toddlers!]
have you ever told to your catholic parent(s) over lunch you support gay marriage only to have them disown you. it's not so bad you guys
virgin mary is surprisingly serene for someone crushing a snakes head w her bare feet
the day my sister turned on the radio and maroon 5 was playing and i told her switch it off or i'll drive straight into that tree