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When British people call a flashlight a torch, it's like calling a car a horse.
Just thought up a perfect womens’ rollerderby nickname: Estée Slaughter. Please pass that along to the appropriate people.
@jennyjohnsonhi5 A guy’s coffee order should never be more than just “coffee.”
@peteholmes @joederosacomedy You'd THINK it's butter... pic.twitter.com/qt8GmPw0do
@openmiccomic "I'll just leave this here" (link) #facebookhack
@joerogan I’ve heard that too. Also German beers like Heineken and Becks ate made from barley, not wheat, and are gluten free.
@sortabad “It’s OK to eat fish cause they don’t have any feelings.”
@iankarmel @moshekasher @brendonwalsh Thanks for being the Top Secret Show guests. Powerful standup from all three of you! #moontowercomedy
@elizabayne Ukraine itself is barely legal.
@chriscubas stop perpetuating vape culture.
@robfee They probably don't even have his album, Songs in the Key of Francis Scott.
@darth @smasey @nerdist Not "Nana del Ray?"
@giuliarozzi @arishaffir No info on weed but Franklin BBQ on e 11th is the best. Get up early on a weekday & go, because the line gets long.
@sortabad Shit. What if Zelda was Mario's "Princess in another castle" all along?
@kumailn What about how much Uncharted’s Nathan Drake looks like Nathan Fillion?
@nealbrennan just now noticed your stereogram banner photo. Very cool. Mesmerizing.
@geekswhodrink @cah #geekbowl pic.twitter.com/mYG263tQ
@iankarmel @peteholmez do it and I'd buy the mp3
@benkronberg don't forget "attempted suicide joke"
@benkronberg Thanks for mentioning this... I probably wouldn't have seen Erik Griffin but if you're featuring I'll def see you at Cap City!
I'm Tom Hooper and these are my tweets.
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