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Accidentally listened to four seconds of Daughtry and now I'm pouring bleach in my ears and trying to throw myself on sharp objects.
Looking to trade some photography/video work for a new computer. Please hit me up or retweet if you can.
This power outage is causing the Ravens to come down off that Charlie Sheen sized coke high they got during half-time.
To the pompous, insufferable jerks: Stop linking the Denver shootings to politics, religion and your own pharisaical belief structure.
Every person who complains about Valentines day is secretly complaining about being friend-zoned.
When life gets you down, just keep in mind that there are some people paying to see this weeks Tyler Perry movie.
Dearest Atheists and Christians:
The "God-Particle" is a nickname for the Higgs boson. Stop turning it into a holy war.
"Men, grow beards and be totally rugged and awesome. If you can't grow a beard, don't try as you'll only look like a tool." -Jesus, probably
Cabin in the Woods is like Tucker & Dale vs Evil, except it's speeding through a school zone while on fire. And chased by ninjas. #SXSW
COFFEE!!!! PUNCH OUT A UNICORN AND POWER KICK A VELOCIRAPTOR IN IT'S STUPID FACE!! CAFFINE MAKES YOU AWESOME YOU DUMB MUGGLE!!!
If you buy a pizza from Pizza Hut and it's not stuffed crust you're just wasting everyone's time.
Apparently there's a 3D summit going on right now, so if that massive falling satellite hasn't hit earth yet, I know a good place for it.
For all those concerned, my wife and I are fine. We're about 30 mins north of the carnage. Nothing funny to add, just glad to be safe.
I was going to complain about everything in my life and throw out a few "poor me's" then I decided not to be worthless and grow up.
Somewhere, right now, a Baldwin brother is checking out their reflection while making a duck-face.
Mercurial Raconteur.
