You can lead a horse to water but the horse would have been fine had you not enslaved it.

Retain what you read and wash your hands. Never stop learning and avoid Florida.

You can’t unread this.

There are seven kinds of female orgasm. Make a $1000 vow of faith today or collect all seven for just $6000.

Hatred is phase 1 in my 1-step forgiveness program.

When I see a mohawk the genital piercings are silently understood.

An unused boner is a crime against manity.

Any tomfool can keep his wallet fat and burn in Hell.

My fantasy prayer team is better than usual.

No one ever talks about that time Jesus bitch slapped his mom.

God can only do so much to keep my kid from liking Barney.

Put your hands on your display and feel the power of one-click Jesus.

A $1000 vow of faith today keeps the devil away.

I judge everyone because my parents made me go to church.

Jesus won't listen to your prayers unless you lick my anus.

God just told me to shut up.

God created whisky in his own mirage.

Catholic school boys jumping naked on a trampoline. #privatethoughts

It is hard healing haters but my summer house NEEDS this election year.

Vomit was the first written language.