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  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    all coffee is instant if you ignore the part of your brain that recognizes time as being linear.

    • 27
    • FAVS
    KeyonahhExploderizertRileyJacobsonIanWilliamzDjNotDonaldhapbtmmsherbertJTcortright
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    tRileyJacobsonhapbtUsernametoobigmmsherbertJTcortrightjinkiescoob_bootyismthemcman
  • tenfootbrett
     
    uncredited @tenfootbrett

    @2_gryphon @jimcarrey false equivalency. cars weren't created to kill stuff. also, cars are super heavily regulated. next argument please.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    _CursedTeaMelloPsychovicki218terri_lynn1966Skjoldmoesar_uh_ellCallOfBeaute______bshaw1090
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    MiguEDelgad0NortheasternGuy__CallOfBeaute______Cratiunslancaster22PennDragonArtVeroniquehhJonWReynolds
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    we found your daughter sue. she committed sue-cide. lol. no but seriously, she killed herself and it was probably your fault.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    jasmachineSpace_DreamsExploderizertRileyJacobsonblvck_widowZachDuszasophielivesherejinkiescoob
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    Space_DreamstRileyJacobsonjinkiescoob_bootyismgonvievstaygxIddarth_raperratcasket
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    the thing i like best about the zoo is that the tiger HAS to listen to all of my problems because cages.

    • 21
    • FAVS
    tRileyJacobsonallvvrongjinkiescoobthemcmanhayleylujaahHelloGallo2SPOCK_fordalla
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    Eggs69W8nForS8nfaporizerstaygxIdChefMattWrightratcasketRoy_GeeBivdig_your_dirt
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    hear that knock at the door? that's obama. he here to take your guns. don't have any guns? then he gonna kill you. with a gun. then take it.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    ExploderizerSuperTheJakepercosetgonvievratcasket_CursedTeabuttcrunchywesley_snapes
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    W8nForS8nratcasketspecialhugCynical_Bear
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    the priest said "you may now kiss the bride" and i muttered "so she can give you herpes too" a bit too loudly from the back row

    • 14
    • FAVS
    _CursedTeabuttcrunchywesley_snapesspecialhugDropDeadGorgeDanKCharnleyMelloPsychoshizuehesby2546
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    _CursedTeaspecialhugshizuehesby2546
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    nice HAT?!? this is just my regular face & head

    • 8
    • FAVS
    _CursedTeaWeeabooGenocide__DanKCharnleyMelloPsychoErroneous_MeFilthyMacramedamnjustkellyCynical_Bear
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    MelloPsychoErroneous_MedamnjustkellyCynical_Bear
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    *offers a woman-in-trouble a pez candy*

    • 8
    • FAVS
    _CursedTeaDropDeadGorgeWeeabooGenocide__DanKCharnleyMelloPsychono_kendall________WanderMazily______Cynical_Bear
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    DropDeadGorgeMelloPsychoWanderMazily______Cynical_Bear
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    yeah eat your orange juice and your "complete breakfast" you idiot, i'ma listen to ruff ryder's anthem and bust out the door this morning

    • 5
    • FAVS
    SilkyMontelMermaidPastiesjshdjkaskdaskdaTheGreaterToolkitten_mischief
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    jshdjkaskdaskdaSilkyMontelBryBanlochtesmonsterTheGreaterToolkitten_mischief
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    an "ARMY" where you get free education, are encouraged to stay fit, and learn how to function in society, but without making you kill ppl

    • 9
    • FAVS
    DropDeadGorgeWeeabooGenocide__betty0674DanKCharnleyMelloPsychoTingySCynical_Bearcal50
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Cynical_Bear
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    no but here's an idea bob. we will make our microwaves loud. the door will open and close loud. every key will beep real loud. loud

    • 6
    • FAVS
    ClakeBentokayjuliaJTcortrightStephDaerrNick_Frost_CursedTea
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    JTcortrightTheBiggestHouse_CursedTea
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    wake up sheeple.WAKE. UP. what's with all these sleeping sheeple. get up! brrring brrring. hey, sheeple, it's earth calling, WAKE UP SHEEPLE

    • 7
    • FAVS
    buttcrunchyspecialhugWeeabooGenocide__MelloPsychoFloresIsabella7vonoinkTapwaterAlice
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    specialhugvonoink
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    Orthodox jewish kid confusing his ghost costume with the holepunched sheet his parents have sex through.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    _CursedTeaDanKCharnleyMelloPsychoSo_Occulteye_like_sharxElElkoolJ________
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    eye_like_sharxTheWarmestKid____ElElkoolJ________
  • tenfootbrett
     
    uncredited @tenfootbrett

    @mastersreality i guarantee you that people with guns are at LEAST 85%more likely to shoot themselves by accidnt than be attacked by looters

    • 6
    • FAVS
    white_boy_nickyconsumer25AaronBrynenplatypus_sharkmckiddie_jgrannyging
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Geniocraticmckiddie_j
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    if i have one weakness, it's that i suck at everything. absolutely everything.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    vonoinkfcukignlloathingkiwirambles
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    mycrycroftalienwife_fcukigncrookedneighbr
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    would i like WHAT with that? oh, FRIES. i thought you said 'guys'. of course i wouldn't like guys with that. i am very straight and hetero.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    percosetrealtraphorseblossom6669big_dumb_idiotPorkbeardpuppetdidikitten_mischief
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    kitten_mischief
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    came up with an idea for a movie it's called problem dave it is about a dave who causes a problem

    • 6
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyTapwaterAlicegoonumbertwo______ryanmerriamGinlickerDayzedNcumfused
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    GinlickerDayzedNcumfused
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    you don't even have to invite people named carl to orgies, they just sort of show up eventually

    • 4
    • FAVS
    DropDeadGorgetinytitmangomicearenice1vonoink
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    DropDeadGorgetinytitmangovonoink
  • tenfootbrett
      uncredited @tenfootbrett

    i am making long-term plaaaaaannnnncakes. i am going to make pancakes. i love pancakes.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyMelloPsychoL1NZOcarfireCynical_BearTapwaterAlice
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Cynical_Bear
  • tenfootbrett
     
    uncredited @tenfootbrett

    @teapartycat WHY DID BEN GHAZI AND OBAMA KILL THIS MANY PEOPLE

    • 7
    • FAVS
    WeeabooGenocide__fabucat1986MericanNickNickosiaracergrl563TeaPartyCat1008242013212__
@tenfootbrett

@tenfootbrett

SHATNER THE FOURTH WALL