You have a "Pinterest strategy"? Cool. Now, let me punch you.

Someone on OkCupid sent me a message and confided that he is not much of a wine "carnosaur." Was that some sort of dinosaur?

There's a reason why it's called OkCupid and not AwesomeCupid or 100%AccurateCupid. Remember that.

You are nobody until someone tells you anonymously on the internet that they hate you.

Let's just all drink a beer and watch some baseball.

Remember Harvey Milk! Shot & killed on this day in 1978. "If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet shatter every closet door."

Someone on my Facebook is bragging that her daughter got an award for perfect attendance. Congrats on sending your kid to school.

Pretty sure all of my favorite people are casual alcoholics.

"To be or not to be. Bitch, I might be." - William Shakespeare

"Paul McCartney is replacing Kurt Cobain for a Nirvana reunion." That is the worst sentence I have ever read.

My bangs are doing that thing where they hate me.

I got drunk one night and decided to follow all the cast members of Real Housewives of New Jersey on Twitter. - My suicide note.

@natebell4ar GO. TO. HELL.

@aaronpaul_8 Your sweater-game is on point.

You know shit is about to go down whenever anyone on Frasier says "Can I see you in the kitchen?"

#NYC, I'm looking for a job. Part-time. Receptionist/office assistant/anything that won't make my Mom ashamed of me. Please RT!

Pretty nice day in the city. I have beer in my purse.

Skirts with pockets are the shit. I have lip gloss and a ziplock baggie of Goldfish in mine, currently. (I will be 30 next year.)

If "modern love" means you'll like my picture on Instagram before returning my phone call, then no, I do not approve of modern love at all.

@darth is this puppy flirting with me pic.twitter.com/YINpLAmU