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"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all." -God/Sparkly Nebula, Spiritually Channeling through Futurama
no amount of coffee, no amount of crying, no amount of whiskey, no amount of wine, no -- nothing else will do, i gotta have you.
My happiness is also correlated with the amount of psychoactive substance found in the various aforementiond beverages within reach.
I find that my happiness is directly correlated with the number of beverages within reach at any given moment.
"you and me, buddy. frisbee-ing the delicate porcelain of our lives against the cold, unfeeling wall of reality."
group projects somehow make me more worried AND less invested in the project; i don't want to let them down, but i don't feel responsible
You stand around your haunted home; those demons won't leave you alone. [Don't forget me when you grow old]
Pterodactyl stillbirths: Irreverent or maudlin? That's right, I own a thesaurus! And by "own a thesaurus," of course, I mean the internet.
tunnel vision does not mean focus. it DOES mean bruised knees and a moist surprise for the owner of all these open drawers.
I just wasted 7 minutes by tweeting about the 11 minutes I saved. After Human...? Rebel ... tweet??
I just saved 6 minutes by only stopping at half the red lights. On time to work, but late for my court date. AFTER HUMAN!! REBEL YELL!!
I just saved 5 minutes by only taking half a shower. I AM THE AFTER HUMAN!!! Still late to work though.
You are too frustrating right now. I'm gonna go down to Sea World and punch a dolphin in the face.
you're so good at getting my hopes up where they don't belong - i can't reach them.
Definition of ADD: When I say I "always" do something, I mean I thought about doing it, and lied to at least three people about doing it.
Wow, your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know.
pollen is tree splooge, which makes my car a coniferous cum dumpster. or is it deciduous? thanks for nothing, NINTH GRADE! hehe, splooge.