Romeo and Juliet have nothing on Drake and Nicki.

My dream: for it to be 50 degrees & raining forever & for there to be a never-ending supply of tea & to never have to go to work. #realistic

So many classic Christmas songs conjure up very specific images from Home Alone. @90sgirlproblem

Sometimes you get home from work and your roommate made pizza for you, is drunk, and acts out scenes from Firefly unsolicited. Cc: @lovesies

@lovesies On MY BDAY, @robdelaney tweeted, "seagulls will kill all of us"--he was warning us, Lisa! THE NEXT DAY WAS OUR 'NAM.

Turns out I suck at Connect Four. (First line of my suicide note)

#FF My top Twitter crushes: @nealbrennan, @aaronfullerton, and @lajeanniebean

Today I had an elderly female customer ask me if I was a lesbian because of my "big watch." #shitmycustomerssay

"Don't let Drunk Lisa talk you into picking anything up off the side of the street." --@lovesies #wordstoliveby

Is once a year too frequent to rewatch the entirety of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Asking for a friend.

"Feelings make me burp. Also, beer. Mostly beer." --@lovesies

My iPhone knew to auto-capitalize "Buffy," so I'm definitely in love.

I just had to watch my 43-year-old aunt mime a one-person circle jerk. That's just not something you can unsee.

"It would've been badass if he came out onto the balcony & sang 'Don't Cry For Me, Argentina,' but alas." --@producerjoseph #sogay #newPope

I have a crush on almost all of Steve Zahn's characters. #ThatThingYouDo

"Put a bucket over your head." --@lovesies' advice to me on how to avoid the leak in our ceiling #roommates

Celebrating International Women's Day with beer, fried food, @lovesies, and @nataliestar3.

"By the way, it was a beautiful day in Western Washington and we spent the majority of it inside, drinking." --@nataliestar3 #SundayFunday

@nataliestar3 It's x_x

@lovesies I wish I were a part of the Tracy Chapman portion of the night.