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Just grounded my kid for telling me "Party Rock Anthem" is his favorite song.
Everything I do is a cry for help.
if you aren't trying to be funny, you're not doing Twitter right
Typos are the internet equivalent of pissing yourself in public.
Is it raining? Let me check Facebook.
I put the hopeless in hopeless romantic.
This twitter account is ruining all my chances at future employment one tweet at a time.
Has anyone ever actually seen a porn that utilized a pizza delivery plot device?
It's cute that iPhone apps quiver in fear before they're deleted.
But really though, is anyone actually surprised the Kony guy was arrested for public masturbation?
My entire life would be fixed if I just had two thousand more followers
I often just declare my Astrological sign when people ask me to tell them about myself.
I'm pretty much the perfect boyfriend, except I have the tendency to destroy my partners emotionally from the inside out.
I tell you I'm having an all too unexciting night with books, tea and new music until I realize these are actually the most exciting things.
how do you conversations
Finals week is the only time its okay to look like crap. But, let's not get crazy, bitches.
It's a doggy-style world.
The more often iTunes' Genius is unable to make you a playlist the higher quality your musical taste is.
I've decided to make reservations at all local restaurants for Valentine's Day night so couples can't get them.
Twinkle twinkle little star, who the fuck do you think you are?
Astute observations and ponderings of a charmingly oblivious ragamuffin.