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One of the great pains, is realising that some of our most intimate, profound connections w/people we fall for, are ephemeral blips in time.
Don't negotiate with vodka. Vodka will always insist that you text that someone that wields irrevocable power over you & your stupid heart.
I can't get through a day without spilling food/ drink on my pants. Consequently, I look like the office masturbator with my dodgy stains.
On Fridays we destroy ourselves with fermented grapes & chemicals, because our yearning hearts aren't the boss of us.
Scariest thing about Halloween is how many 'scary slutty girls' were fucking 'scary horny boys' & catching 'scary real' STD's.
To Melrose girls commenting on 'girls standing to lose weight'...reach for your MAC cover up...your cuntiness is showing.
Remember how in '99 we were all "OMG 2 lightsabers are the new single lightsaber" and just wanted to fuck Darth Maul?
Really, we're all emotional vampires who just want to suck each other off.
I've had one caramel vodka. This is all the depth I can muster.
My friend's little daughter just described 3D movies as "when the big screen comes in your eyes". I'm trying hard to be an adult about this.
My Origin Story's not that different to most super heroes. My dad came inside my mom. I fight the injustice of pants suits on women.
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