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I need a new fetish. Sniffing my and everyone else's underwear isn't nearly hard core enough to comfortably call myself a sexual deviant.
Win-win for Michael Douglas. Not only is he the man for beating throat cancer, but only he's eaten enough pussy for it to be carcinogenic.
Sometimes I'm at my happiest when I read "insufficient funds" on other people's discarded slips at ATM's. It's good not to feel alone.
Ever notice how the best/most sexual/kinky/wicked stories never start with: "This one time, when I was crazy sober...."
Anyone else see The Parent Trap & think: OMG, that is just the most adorable little firecrotch/clepto/future coke head? No. Just me then.
Miss Utah's the chick that does the voice of Charlie Brown's french teacher right?
Hey average looking people. Beautiful men & women usually have minuscule penises & cavernous vaginas. Nature's way of maintaining balance.
'Hookd on phoniks' werked four me, and it can fore you two.
Whenever a relative passes away, I stop masturbating for weeks on end, as I'm reminded that he/she is 'with me...watching over me...always'
Sometimes at work, I wish that I could turn into Anne Coulter's vagina, so that people would leave me alone.
Using my photo of shame to motivate myself to get back into shape. Nothing like self-loathing to galvanize me into a cardio frenzy.
As a superpower, I'd like to be able to effectively communicate with the 8 or 9 cats I'll be growing old gracefully with.
BB is back & so am I. Proving yet again that even a bad RIM job couldn't silence me forever!
What's the name of that undetectable, slow-acting poison that disgruntled employees slip into their employers' drinks?
Nothing says "be mine and mine alone" in prison, quite like anal rape.
What else is there to do at 00:40 but watch The Vow & tickle my mangina while watching Rachel McAdams & Channing Tatum play tummy sticks.
Whenever people say: "I don't know what came over me." I'm always tempted to correct them and say: "You mean 'who'."
My penis in hand is worth a screw in the bush.
I'm the product of society. And also of 2 consenting adults unsuccessfully using the 'pull-out' method.