Cat hair is lonely people glitter.

Nice polarized Oakleys, guys who peaked in high school.

Learn how to tell a story, everyone on Jeopardy.

Women's Parallel Parking #RejectedOlympicEvents

There is no creepier union than the friendship between two girls that dated the same guy.

My favorite episode of Dirty Jobs is the one about the guy who feeds peanut butter to the Kardashians so it looks like they're talking.

If there's anything we can learn from the O.J. trial, it's that we should go ahead and take note of Chris Brown's glove size.

Before you let out a sigh of relief, remember that Romney has the money and technology to terrorize us as The Green Goblin.

James Carville has come a long way since trying to destroy Toon Town.

Big Bird has met more Latinos than Mitt Romney. #debate

Spent money on tickets to watch Emilio Estevez read the novelizations of The Mighty Ducks movies, feeling pretty good about it right now.

A lot of people on Twitter are famous in the same way that some Chili's menu items are famous.

Why is everybody angry about football? Did Keanu Reeves make another movie about it?

It's like somebody came out of a 20 year coma and immediately started making Old Navy commercials.

The self-loathing is coming from inside the house.

Michael Buble's next album might as well be called Welcome to Nordstrom.

Little does Chick-fil-A know, making waffle fries is pretty much the gayest thing you can do to a potato.

Stopped watching, has Anne Romney talked about how hard it is to find the parking attendant at Neiman Marcus? #RNC

There is no sadder place on the Internet than the section of Craigslist where people seek out McDonald's Monopoly game pieces.

Paul Ryan has the smile of a guy on Law & Order that thinks he's untouchable because his dad is the chief of police. #VPDebate