Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I can't understand why they don't run more condom ads during Supernanny.
People that honk in traffic jams are also probably really good at yelling at rocks.
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
There's a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that."
I just found a Xanax in my purse... Not even going to question where it came from I am looking at it like it's Christmas time in June
Some days I feel like a million bucks... Today I feel like a food stamp.
Son: Can I have ice cream for breakfast?
Me: No, WAIT, yes but put a banana in it.
I saw a guy fall off his bike this morning. He looked around to see if anyone saw him fall. I made sure to make direct eye contact.
I fell asleep watching 8Mile and woke up with a infomercial about vacuums on. Sort of appropriate... They both suck
My mother tries to tell a story and tells 15 irrelevant things before she gets to her point makes want to scream "START AT THE FUCKING END"
I'm thinking I Just reached a new level of fat ass as I scoop ranch dip out of the jar with a pork chop
Whenever you feel like a genius remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not shit your pants.
I know the Bible talks about forgiveness and all but I am pretty sure Jesus would hold my purse while I kicked a certain someone's ass today
They should make a medal for anyone who uses a whole tube of chapstick before losing it.
I am over this whole customer service bullshit... I don't like people enough to be this fuckin nice for 8 hrs a day
Dear Bird who just flew into my windshield, Way to go dumbass.
There's no I in team, but there are two I's in Schizophrenia.
In a world of meat dresses and jail bait birdcage dancing, the most shocking thing a celebrity can do nowadays is use proper grammar.
Conversation with my brother: Sorry Officer, now I know the voice in my GPS does not qualify as a Designated Driver... Thanks. Asshole.
In the process of checking my FB... Wishing they had a "I'd like to punch you in your stupid fuckin' mouth" option
Single mother of one... Student of Medicine... Professional smartass... I speak two languages, English and Sailor... Life's been good to me so far.